The mage took her second divorce much more easily. She was however not pleased to part with half of her possessions. Our heroes argued to her husband that, without a stable government, no one could certify their divorce. He relented.
Our heroes traveled to the city over the sands, though they were reluctant to. They were regarded as a dirty, bloody race, whose passions were only for fighting and copulating. They did not use toilets, they did not wipe after defecating, they did not clean their sidewalks, they did not say “Please” and “Excuse me”, they did not ask a woman’s permission to hold their hand. They believed only in violence, which certainly was the opposite of the beliefs of the city of the forest. Also their skin was very dark.
Nevertheless, our heroes petitioned their king to intervene in the conflict and to aid the rebels. The king, who was an unreasonable man and believed in fake gods, and who was very hairy, reasoned that the cause of war came from the king’s lineage, and that if royal rule were abolished and the commons set up government, the city of the forest would either weaken significantly, allowing the folk of the desert to flourish, or they would desire peace, as the many prefer peace over the few. Because he was very stupid and a heathen, and his mind was poisoned by his people’s nonsensical language and their badly-written texts written by very dark hands, he consulted his advisors, who were also deficient in understanding but less so than him. He agreed with our heroes and delivered regiments to the rebels; these regiments were paid so that they would do neither looting nor ravaging. The rebels only accepted them after consulting their blessed, very wise, and very real animal gods who were dead.
The monarchists were promptly defeated by the ungodly, savage, heathen, yet very orderly and very disciplined army of the desert. The rebels set up government, and their first order was to throw their gaseous bombs onto the city of the desert, as it was very wise to destroy one’s enemies a long time before they were to declare war. The citizens, unaccustomed to the rebels’ flatulence, deceased in droves, and the rebels’ gods rewarded them with much looting and ravaging that day. In fact, the looting and raping had been so good that the rebels and the monarchists bonded, and they were equal in spirit as they were under the law.
The rebels adopted the monarchists’ parliamentary government. The rebels thought this was a good idea, the monarchists thought this was a good idea, and the monarchists’ slaves thought this was a good idea as the monarchists fed them, even though they were considered half a person under the new laws.
The government now stabilized, our heroes argued that the lower half of the mage’s husband belonged to the mage. The government honored the divorce and bisected the husband in half. As her husband was now deceased, there was no need to transfer half of the mage’s possessions over.
© 2025 Jay Lee